Vectors for Literary Contagion, Vol. I; Now With A Bonus Prediction!

The character of internet traffic can be disheartening, a fact your blogger at BriefLiteraryAbandon learned in college, where the leading source of hits to a progressive student magazine he worked with was from the Google search “safe asphyxiation sex” and the #2 and #3 biggest traffic drivers were likewise hits to the magazine’s relatively short-lived and infrequent sex column. These three specific searches made up >1/2 of the site’s search-driven traffic on most days, despite there being only a few sex columns on the whole site, and hundreds of carefully researched original articles. Disheartening. So what’s a blogger to do, to keep his hopes up, while blogging on an internet of this kind, for an audience or even? Dare he aim so high a community? (Dare, dare)

Perhaps humor is the answer. Popehat.com has a semi-regular feature called “The Road to Popehat” which looks at the search results–especially the entertaining ones–that bring traffic to Popehat.com.

Taking that feature as inspiration, here is the first installment of “Vectors of Literary Contagion.” To-date, the overwhelmingly large majority of traffic to BriefLiteraryAbandon is thanks to (and concentrated in the immediate 24 hours after) a Popehat tweet pointing to a post where I borrowed his sock puppets.

However, and the inspiration for this post, as of today, at least one internet searcher has found this blog via a Google search: “name of a parade less than a triumph.” Hail to thee, dear quester for the name of Roman parades not grand enough to count as triumphs. You did not find what you were looking for here; it is not in my review of “The Roman Triumph.” But I hope you liked the post.

I also hope your internet searches continued, and you ran across this line on the wikipedia page for Roman triumphs: A general might be granted a “lesser triumph”, known as an Ovation. Perhaps you thence proceeded to the linked full Wikipedia page on the Roman Ovation… at any rate, here’s to you, as BriefLiteraryAbandon’s first search-induced visitor. May all your searches be fruitful.

Tune in next time for “Vectors of Literary Contagion.”

And, since the title promised a bonus prediction, here are two.

Bonus Predictions:
1. How long will it be until the next installment of Causes of Literary Abandon? I predict there won’t more than five different searches driving traffic to BriefLiteraryAbandon for at least twelve more months. 
2. Having written “safe asphyxiation sex” on this page raises a second question. How long will it be until BriefLiteraryAbandon gets its first visit to this page via asphyxia-related searches, sexual or otherwise? I predict there will be no search-driven traffic related to sex or asphyxiation. The internet, of course, is famously humorless, and will doubtless not try to prove me wrong, or anything like that. 

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